Parenting by the numbers: 33% - wondering who broke/did/killed something 33% - yelling 33% - tripping over shoes 1% - eating grilled cheese crusts
@moooooog35
12 Hilarious Tweets From Dads About Fatherhood
The sooner parents realize their kid’s closet and dresser are basically wearable napkin dispensers, the sooner they’ll start living in reality.
@HowToBeADadCheck out their book: The Guide to Baby Sleep Positions
There are people who don't think parenting is an extreme sport but tell that to the mountain of laundry I climb over every day.
@HomeWithPeanut
After becoming a parent you gradually show up later and later to things until you never see anyone ever again.
@TheCatWhisprer
Being a parent usually means remembering to put suncream on your kids, but then forgetting to put any on yourself. At least my hands are really super sunproof right now. #parenting
@DaddingAround
Any man can be a father, but it takes someone who complains about how hoses are coiled to be a dad.
@Soren_Ltd
Be nice to your Dad. Most of fatherhood feels like going through customs with an outdated passport.
@jimgaffigan
What is it like to be a parent? Imagine you are straining to carry every single grocery bag and someone tosses you a priceless vase. Also, the kitchen is on fire.
@simoncholland
Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course.
@VancityReynolds
Being a dad is mostly just remembering to buy ketchup and eating leftovers.
@tchrquotes
Being a father means that every time you say “that’s what she said,” a little voice asks “did she really?”
@zjrosenberg
Need some gift ideas for that insightful, snarky, lovable dad in your life?
Amazon best sellers are great, but Amazon sarcastic sellers are the real gems when looking for gifts for this Father’s Day. Check these out ….
- Sh!t My Dad Says … maybe one day your kids will write a book about you.
- Dad Life: A Manly Adult Coloring Book … because Dads need to color too.
- Kids Are Turds: Brutally Honest Humor for the Pooped-Out Parent … technically this doesn’t have to be a Father’s Day gift, but if the timing is right then why not.
- Dad Is Fat … Jim Gaffigan knows best.
- Shiatsu Back, Shoulder, and Neck Massager with heat! Only if Dad was good this year …
